*written for your pleasure, especially you

The recursion game.

A view on recursion (and the dating game)

As a single gay man, every week I can, I go out Friday and/or Saturday night. The aim? To find someone. ‘The one’ is a concept shared by the world’s romantics that everyone has a partner out there. There are over six billion people on the planet, and there is someone perfectly suited to everyone of us. I believe this is a myth, however. We all go out and look for the most compatible person we can find to have sex with. Looking for my personal criteria I find there are several types in the clubs I go to, which reveals to me this is a desperate game.

The Hunter
The man who has seen if not spoken to almost everyone else in the bar. This type of guy will only try and pick you up if you have never slept with him before and he considers you some sort of challenge. You should resist this guy if you want to take him home one night.

The Care taker
This type of person wants to look after you. They try and attend to your every need, hoping to lure you in using your very insecurities to make them your resource to feel good about yourself, so should you ever choose to leave you will be depressed.

The Victim
This type of guy usually drinks a lot and hangs around the bar rather than dancing. He’s waiting to be picked up, yet because he thinks of himself so badly. He puts out a good first impression and drinks to cover what he believes to be his inadequacies. Usually he gets so drunk that should a hunter try and pursue him he turns them off and so maintains his state of being the victim. Could be suited to the care-taker, if he can put him off.

Mr Popular
Never without words, this guy will do his up most to grab and keep your attention. Usually while in the queue for a karaoke performance, he will crack cheap jokes and impersonate popular movie stars in well known scenes. The only way to shut him up is to kiss him- should he let you close enough before he jets onto the dance floor to enact his pre-rehearsed routines to the songs he requested the DJ to play.

High-rolling Dude
Should he not be in the smoking area, or the bathroom, this guy is always on the search for a ‘pick me up’ substance. He’s so obsessed with escapism you will either find your conversation with him extremely philosophical or directly intensely about getting you home. If you get home with this guy you might loose your head, especially if you don’t end up actually sleeping.

Mr Romantic
This guy would rather take you to a meal than take you home. He’s interested in a long term relationship and will buy you more drinks than a brew-master trying to sell to a bar. He’ll be interested in cinema and have longing eyes while wearing only his heart on his sleeve. No matter what you do, you are sure to break his heart, so just say no now and save you both the pain.

The Lad
Usually in sports wear, this one is out for anything he can get. He’s interested in the High-rollers and the Hunter’s mainly, while loves to show off his latest trainers while spilling beer all over them en route to the dance floor. He just wants to experience a great sex life and play football and his Playstation or Xbox with a joint afterwards.

The Drama Queen
This guy is so bitter insecure he dresses everything up to a stage performance. Nothing is ever good enough for this guy and in his disappointment of life he attempts to control and manipulate every situation to his advantage just to get a kiss. When something doesn’t work out if gives him more ammunition to insult everyone’s morals. Most of his friends only hang out with him because they feel sorry for him, but in return he makes them laugh.

By definition, “recursion is a process by which a method calls itself over again until some process is complete or some condition is met.”

Our basic need to be with someone else in a passionate way is possibly the strongest will in humanity. But how do we find our partner? We decide what we like and we go out looking for it. These types of personalities can be found in most of the gay bars around the world and having met and tried with all of these types, and my personal criteria not being met, I realise all I need is to love myself.

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